Whenever we have a ‘fresh start’, like a new year – the desire to create change in our lives can feel strong. This can be a great energy to have, but it can sometimes turn into pressure. How do we create sustainable change in our lives without it becoming a point of pain?
We all have things we want to improve or accomplish in our lives, that’s admirable and helpful. But sometimes we set the bar so high or intend to start so many changes at once that it becomes impossible to maintain for longer than a few weeks. This seems harmless, but over time it can undermine our self-esteem and belief in our abilities. Let’s explore 7 simple things to consider when choosing and working on your New Year intentions for this year:
- Break it down: before we start any new habit, we have to know that it will often be a process. Goals can seem daunting when it is a yearlong mission or one big task, but what does it look like on a monthly, weekly, or daily basis? What does the very first step of it look like in your life? Often the first step may be very small, maybe it’s sending an email to enquire about a hobby class you’re interested in or making a call to a friend, but these incremental steps are vital and should be celebrated as you go.
- Consider building on one small daily habit: sometimes we have a long list of changes we want to make, at first it feels exciting but over time it can feel overwhelming. Picking one or two new habits to build on can help create momentum and confidence. Once you have these firmly rooted, adding in new ideas can feel less intimidating. It might be a small change in your daily routine, like improving your sleep habits; or adding one positive addition, like 15 minutes of reading a day. These small additions might seem insignificant but over a long period can have a huge impact on your life.
- Start this year built on self-love and compassion: we often look at a new year with a checklist of our areas to improve. This can breed a negative self-talk which ultimately defeats the benefits of any changes made. When looking at creating changes in your life, ensure it comes from a place of self-compassion rather than criticism. This makes it healthier and more sustainable. When a day doesn’t go as planned, acknowledge it without judgement, allow yourself to try again with compassion. Equally, framing our intentions positively is important. For example, notice the difference between: “I’m going stop eating junk this year!” versus “I’m going to explore and prioritise foods that nourish me this year”. One feels punitive and critical while the other has far more meaning and self-love.
- Don’t compare yourself to others: when looking at what changes you would like to bring into your life, remember that they often have little or nothing to do with what others plan to do. Some people have big intentions and hopes for their year, and that’s what’s best for them; yours may be completely different. If you start comparing your goals to those around you, it builds upon a feeling of needing to compete to be worthy. Remember, you are valuable and worthy just as you are.
- Create goals that are meaningful for you and your life: generic goals, like ‘being healthier’, have good intentions but it’s important to find the meaning for you specifically. This often relates to identifying ‘the why’ behind any intention or goal. Consider what you value in life and what you feel has been missing. Your intentions will then look more specific to your life. For example, maybe this last year felt very heavy and serious for you and so you want to prioritise more laughter and silliness this year, which means having the intention of carving out time with friends and people who create that experience.
- Consider what brings you joy: sometimes when we think of goals for the new year, we often think purely of what we want to accomplish, like some kind of checklist. But we often forget to incorporate what brings us joy and happiness. This is important because when we enjoy something, it gives us the momentum to continue. Can you include more things that bring you joy this year?
- Don’t weaponise your hope: the fact that you have new intentions and new hopes for your life is a wonderful thing; it energises our life and gives us new purpose. Sometimes, for whatever reason, we fall short of our intentions and that’s normal. It’s important not to beat yourself up over every shortfall; if we weaponise our attempts against ourselves it only hurts our confidence in the long run. Be kind to yourself and recognise that it’s okay to fall, to rest and regroup.
Remember, a new year is meant to be celebrated as an opportunity for reflection, growth, and opportunity. It’s so important that we don’t turn this into something negative and self-destructive. Start reasonable and meaningful. Picking something that matters to you in some way makes it a powerful force in your life, rather than a punitive one. Change is also not tied to a date, when you check-in with yourself regularly throughout the year, you’ll notice what you need and spot opportunities that arise to make these changes happen.
This article was written by Lauren Hall, pre-accredited and fully qualified Psychotherapist at The DMC Clinic. If you would like to discuss how any of the topics mentioned above are impacting your mental health, please contact The DMC Clinic to arrange an appointment.