Emotional abuse is a pattern of behaviour that aims to control, manipulate, or belittle another person’s emotions, thoughts, or actions. It can occur in various forms and can occur in a romantic relationship, within a family, friendship or even the workplace. In this article we will explore some key factors of emotional abuse.
Many people fall into a false belief that abuse can only be physical assaults, verbal screaming matches and dramatic fights – but in reality there are many forms of abuse. Emotional abuse is an insidious and highly damaging form of abuse. It can include verbal attacks, humiliation, intimidation, gas-lighting, isolation, coercive control and manipulation. Here are some key aspects to consider with emotional abuse:
Recognising Signs: Emotional abuse can be subtle and insidious, making it challenging to identify. Signs may include constant criticism, undermining self-esteem, questioning your reality (gas lighting), controlling behaviour, manipulation tactics, explicit or implied threats, extensive silent treatment or withholding support as ‘punishment’, as well as isolating you from friends, family and other support systems. One of the biggest indicators is how you feel as a result of this relationship; asking: how does this relationship make me feel about myself? How has his person impacted my life?
Impact: Emotional abuse can have profound effects on the victim’s mental and emotional well-being. It can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and feelings of worthlessness. Victims may also experience difficulties in forming healthy relationships in the future.
Cycle of Abuse: Emotional abuse often occurs within a cycle. The cycle may include periods of intensive negative emotional harm and then occasionally if the relationship is at risk of ending; the abuser may love-bomb, apologize or threaten self-harm to regain control. This cycle can make it difficult for people to leave the relationship. The abuser can also be charming, upstanding and likeable to outsiders, only adding to the victim’s confusion.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where the abuser manipulates the victim into doubting their own perceptions, memories, and sanity. This can lead the victim to feel confused, powerless, and dependent on the abuser. Statements like, ‘’You’re crazy / That never happened / Everyone thinks you’re a lunatic / Your memory is terrible, you’re not thinking straight / I’m the only one who would put up with you / But I only did that because of what you did, this is your fault’’.
Seeking Help: If you suspect you are experiencing emotional abuse or know someone who is, it’s essential to seek support. This can include confiding in a trusted friend or family member, contacting a counsellor or psychotherapist, or reaching out to organizations that specialize in supporting victims of abuse. For those experiencing emotional abuse in a relationship, setting boundaries and seeking safety is crucial. This may involve creating a safety plan, seeking legal protection if necessary, and considering leaving the relationship when it’s safe to do so.
The most important thing to remember is that healthy relationships don’t hurt, undermine and belittle you. Healthy relationships build you up and resolve differences in a mature and non-destructive manner. If you feel that the relationship (whether romantic, friendship, family or co-worker) has negatively impacted your self-esteem, confidence, sense of reality and well-being; consider seeking support to explore whether what you are experiencing is emotional abuse.
This article was written by Lauren Hall, pre-accredited and fully qualified Psychotherapist at The DMC Clinic. If you would like to discuss how any of the topics mentioned above are impacting your mental health, please contact The DMC Clinic to arrange an appointment