Many of us find ourselves overwhelmed by circumstances in life and yet taking the step to reach out for help will be seen by many as a last resort. Whether it’s getting help from family, friends or professionals – why is it that asking for help is such a daunting task? In this article we will explore the reasons behind this reluctance to seek help and how to work through it.
Why is it so hard to ask for help?
There are many reasons why it can feel difficult to ask for help, here are some of the common ones below:
- Shame: shame can make us feel as though there is reason to be embarrassed or as though something is wrong with us, on the extreme it can feel like we are bad person. When we are battling with things in our life, shame can make us feel that we need to hide it from others.
- Pride: it can be hard to admit we need help, particularly if we view it as a negative or weak action. Some people feel like it may impact their image or how people view them.
- Embarrassment: the feeling of being self-conscious about yourself or your situation is common. If left unchecked, it can lead us to hide our circumstance and avoid seeking help.
- Fear: it is common to be afraid of seeking help. Sometimes it is a fear of the unknown (common when starting therapy for the first time), a fear of consequence (that perhaps there will be an unexpected or undesirable outcome after asking for help) or fear of judgement.
- Depression/anxiety: sometimes when we experience depression or anxiety it can lead us to false beliefs about who we are, how others see us and how things will work out. It is often common to expect the worst-case scenario and see seeking help as pointless.
All of these mentioned above can seem very loud and intense when we are dealing with these feelings on our own. It is important to remember though, that our thoughts are not facts, and our feelings can be misleading, particularly when we’re in a dark place. For example, just because you feel embarrassed doesn’t mean you have done something embarrassing. Asking for help is not a shameful or embarrassing act, but sometimes we fear it is. Particularly in today’s culture, there are often misconceptions that we should be able ‘do it all’. Not only is this unhelpful to ourselves but it is a unhealthy standard to attempt to live by.
Why is it so important to reach out?
Whether it’s as simple as calling a good friend to talk openly about a problem, asking your partner to help with a few more chores than usual or seeking out professional help when you know you’re overwhelmed by your thoughts, circumstance, or things like addiction – the act of asking for help is more powerful than we realise. The decision itself shows a shift in our mindset and moves us from a reactive phase of problem solving to a proactive phase. When we ask for help, it is not an act of weakness, instead it is a confident and powerful move. It shows self-awareness and an openness to change.
Letting our friends and family in when we are overwhelmed and allowing them to help, even in small ways, can deepen our connection to them. It also puts us in the position to return the favour and help those around us. Trying to hide our struggles, on the other hand, keeps our loved ones at a distance and can make it difficult to connect. If you’ve been feeling like you’re needing some help, with managing day-to-day life, a mental health issue, addiction or something similar, remember the saying, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ – it may feel like a big step at first but once it’s done, you’ll be glad you did.
This article was written by Lauren Hall, pre-accredited and newly qualified Psychotherapist at The DMC Clinic. If you are affected by the issues mentioned above, you can book an appointment. If you would like to discuss how any of the topics mentioned above are impacting your mental health, please contact The DMC Clinic to arrange an appointment.