Recently I have found myself in this all too familiar situation of fearing judgement from others. Initially, I allowed it to consume me and prevent me from sharing some really positive and happy news with the people that are closest to me, but once I convinced myself to overcome this fear and I myself was confident with my decision, then I no longer feared the judgement.
However, that was by no means easy and for that reason it got me thinking about the impact of fearing other people’s judgement and why do we allow the fear of judgement to control us and prevent us doing certain things. If you’re not going for the goals you truly want because you are afraid of others’ judgement, like I was, you must start by looking at yourself and question who and what you judge. Soon you will realize that you’re judging because you would judge yourself in the same position, which was a hard pill for me to swallow!
Judgement is a constant evaluation of things; right or wrong, bad or good. The reality is that we live in a constant evaluation of things and whether you are aware of it or not, judgement is ever present and can, in some situations, avert us from authentic connections with others, our genuine self and act as a barrier that disconnects us from the richness, beauty, and nuance inherent within the universe. We each interpret everything that occurs in our life through our own belief system. Although, we may see and hear the exact same input as someone else, how we internalise this input can vary based on our self-perception and past experiences.
Our minds automatically trigger a bunch of past experiences and information and they do not come only from our own experiences but also, from those of our parents, our society and our past generations! Believe me when I say – we judge, not only with regards to others but more importantly, ourselves and it can be very challenging, even terrifying to release judgement, because this way of thinking has been so deep in our unconsciousness.
Through human history, the evaluation of others, of the situation and of ourselves has helped us to survive. Even today we still think judgement brings us security as we consider it a way to deal and escape from danger, real or perceived. However, 90% of our judgements do not serve. On the contrary, they do harm. When you are perpetually occupied to evaluate, class, label, or analyse, you create big turbulence in your internal dialogue. When we judge, we have thoughts, emotions and actions that can create self-imposed suffering. Come with judgement are fear and anxiety, anger, uncertainty and other negative emotions.
They prevent the energy flow to circulate freely. If we can free ourselves from judgements, we are open to a greater expression of love towards ourselves and others. We have deeper and more meaningful connections. It helps us discover the true beauty of the world around us.
It’s a fact that at some point in our lives we are going to be judged for something. We are all open to being negatively affected by something that someone else says or does. It can be hurtful, making us feel vulnerable and paranoid about being judged again in the future. The fear of judgement that develops can have an impact on all areas of life if it’s not dealt with or overcome before it progresses. As we go through life, that fear of being judged can affect our relationships, friendships, jobs, social scenarios and even the ability to look after ourselves.
HERE ARE SOME METHODS TO OVERCOME A FEAR OF BEING JUDGED;
- Be aware of your inner voice.
- Acknowledge your strengths and understand your limits.
- Notice your own judgements.
- Accept that everyone is judged at some point. It’s a fact of life and something we can’t avoid.
- Prioritise your wellbeing. You are the most important thing in your life, so it’s essential that you take care of yourself.
- Practice love and compassion for yourself and others.
- Start your day with this intention; “Today, I will not judge anything that comes”.
|If you feel that you living your life in fear of the judgement of others then reach out and ask for help to begin to release yourself from judgement.
The first step is recognising it and the second step is talking to someone. Reach out, do not suffer alone & remember…
“It’s Okay not to be Okay & It’s absolutely Okay to ask for help!”
The article is written by Leanne, Fully Accredited Counsellor and Psychotherapist at The DMC Clinic. If you would like to discuss how any of the topics mentioned above are impacting your mental health, please contact The DMC Clinic to arrange an appointment.